Online dating was supposed to lead me to finding true love.

The only thing it did for me was put my life in danger.

When the guy of my dreams asks me to dinner, I leap at the chance, hoping against hope that I can rein in my awkward for at least one night.

And when that night is over, I’m sadly unsurprised to find him long gone.

Or so I thought.

Turns out, my dream guy isn’t exactly who he said he was, not at all.

Online dating was supposed to be about finding true love.

All I found was trouble.

PROLOGUE

EVERY LITTLE GIRL dreams of the perfect wedding day: the white dress, the sweet smell of the fresh flowers put together in a flawless bouquet, the bridesmaids doing your bidding like slaves…okay, that might be an exaggeration. Anyway, everyone is there to see you marry your Prince Charming, the one man who managed to snatch you up and make you a Mrs. 

So today, I think of what I wanted in that perfect wedding with Mr. Charming himself. My father would be dabbing at his eyes, tears of happiness spilling from down his cheeks, sad to give me up but thrilled I found the perfect guy. I think of how the bridesmaids would stare on with joy for me, jealousy hidden behind their carefully placed smiles. I think of the dress—God, the dress. I have Pinterest boards dedicated to just the dress. 

I look around at the current setting, taking in every feature: the faux church pews, some not even in line with others, the tacky red velvet under my heels almost making me fall on my face as I make my way down the aisle. 

But I don’t pay much attention to that when I see him. When he catches and holds my eyes until I’m standing in front of him, he looks like a damn GQ model. He’s the perfect knight in shining armor, someone I definitely would have envisioned as the man I’d tie myself to for the rest of my life. 

Never would I have thought things would take such a drastic turn in the past few weeks. Never would I have thought signing up for a dating app wouldn’t just help me socialize more, but would completely turn my life upside down. 

As the Elvis impersonator starts the ceremony, my reality shifts slightly and I focus on what’s going on around me. My new friend stands stiffly behind me, and I see a wink sent my way over Mr. Charming’s shoulder. Right. Focus. Breathe.

I stare deeply into my dream guy’s eyes for a solid minute, not hearing a word anyone is saying, not caring much either when I have the most gorgeous man committing his life to mine in front of me. He speaks to me, and I tune back in as much as I can force myself to. 

“With this ring, I thee wed.”

My eyes widen as he slips it on my finger, and I stare in shock, mouth gaping. We’re already at that part? Shouldn’t we have been stopped by now? I glance around and see everyone still in place, no one moving, the air still and silent as the officiant continues his ramblings.

Our friend hands me another ring, and I take it automatically. When did they have time to get these?

I repeat after Elvis, going along with it, knowing in the back of my mind not to take it too seriously. Not real, not real, not real. I chant it in my head while on the outside I say, “With this ring, I thee wed.”

Elvis tells us we’re man and wife, and my heart pounds so loudly I’m sure everyone is aware of it at this point.

Mr. Charming leans in, and I close my eyes. We haven’t done this in a while, and I prepare myself to savor the moment. His lips touch mine. I feel my body melt beneath his touch, allowing myself to fall for this moment and believe it’s real. I let myself pretend, just for a moment, that I got everything I wanted. 

We slowly release each other, our heads still close, and he stares at me with a stony resolve. He’s bracing himself—I can feel it in his hold—and when he nods, I know the shit is about to hit the fan. 

I open my mouth to speak, but then, as if in slow motion, my eye catches something in my periphery. Several men file into the room, our friends moving fast. Elvis follows suit, as does the man I just married.

Forcing myself into the moment, I reach into my jacket, grasping what I need, and throw myself behind one of the pews as shots ring out over my head. I steady myself, catch my new husband’s eye, and nod, ready for the fight.

Confused? I bet. 

I suppose we should start at the beginning.